Wherio is Nerio?

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Where Are They Now? Nerio Turner

Nerio Turner Cleveland Wahoos Age: 27 B/T: R/R Born: Lawrence, MA Position(s): RF View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Think back. Way back. All the way back to last season. Remember that hulking slugger Nerio Turner? We here at the Onion Blog decided to take a long at season 2 and how it compared with season 1. In 20 less at-bats, Nerio had 28 fewer runs, 25 fewer hits, 25 fewer home runs, 50 less RBI's, with a slight drop in walks and a big jump in strikeouts. Accordingly, his batting average, on base percentage and OPS also dropped.

So what's the cause for the decline in these numbers? Age shouldn't yet be a factor as Nerio is still a spry 27 year old. Nerio did have a 15 day stint on the DL, but that shouldn't have caused that dropoff. Maybe Nerio just returned the earth this season. Maybe the fat contract he signed in the offseason didn't leave him as hungry as last season. Maybe the Mitchell Report had something to do with it....?

When we approached Nerio about the subject, he had no comment, citing the upcoming playoff series against 6th seed, Arizona. He said "he didn't want any distractions."

Next season, we'll again check in with Nerio to see if he returns to season 1 form, or if it was an aberration.

Nerio Watch: Final

Nerio Turner Cleveland Wahoos Age: 26 B/T: R/R Born: Lawrence, MA Position(s): RF View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Oh, Nerio. Done for the season. The pride of Lawrence, Mass. is out for the season with a sprained uterus, er, I mean strained ligament in his rib cage.

Nerio finished up the year with 74 home runs and 17 RBI, both league leading numbers. After starting the season on pace to hit about 600 home runs (more like 120), he slowed down to a respectable home run per eight at bats.

His efforts might end up overshadowed by Timo Phillips, the San Juan batting (.366) and OPS leader (1.293). Phillips is averaging a home run  every 7.8 at bats. While his 63 home runs quite a ways away from Nerio, he could catch up in the RBI department,  where is 165 is just 12 off the lead.

Timo may win the MVP, but Nerio truly has won our hearts.

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Neferio

Neferious Nerio Turner. Superstar. Goat. Reestablishing threat.

Lawrence, Mass.'s favorite son has snapped out of a stupor, hitting safely in the past six games. More importantly to the Wahoos, he has homered in four of those six tilts.

Nerio's season breaks out in thirds. He started the season on a tear, projecting a potential 120-homer campaign to taking a complete dump in the second third. Now, it looks like he's leveling back off into a decent hitter.

Nerio has 59 home runs in 501 at bats. With 33 games to go, it's likely that he'll break 610 at bats. At his current rate of one homer per 8.49 at bats, look for him to hit in the neighborhood of 72 dingers.

Again, not too bad for $1.5m.

Nerio Watch

I've been away from the wheel for a few days, enjoying the quiet of the weekend and the cavalcade of college basketball on my television (I have the ESPN Full Court package). A crushing loss for Syracuse, a great Gtown-Marquette game and my St. Bonaventure Bonnies won! Beat St. Louis on the road by 20. And, it was on television.

Anyhow, in an effort to get back into the blog, I figured it was time for a Nerio Watch. These are coming fewer and farer in between because, well, Nerio is falling apart.

Nerio has slowed to a .309 batting average with 49 home runs in 96 games. Everyone's favorite Masshole has three home runs in his past two games.

At this current pace (49 HR in 375 at bats), Nerio averages one home run every 7.66 at bats. If he gets 600 at bats, he will hit 78 home runs.

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Timo Takes HR Derby Title

Timo Phillips hit 30 home runs, exhausting his arms and taking the Home Run Derby title. Results follow.

Home Run Derby Summary

Player	Fran	Career	Season	Longest	R1	R2	R3	Tot
Timo Phillips	SJU	45	45	526 ft	6	14	10	30
Ramon Martin	PHI	35	35	526 ft	13	8	1	22
Nerio Turner	CLE	46	46	531 ft	12	7	0	19
Johnny Costello	WAS	26	26	490 ft	7	8	0	15
Len Heiserman	MIL	44	44	451 ft	4	0	0	4
Donovan Milligan	CLE	34	34	430 ft	4	0	0	4
Antonio Gao	BUF	35	35	516 ft	4	0	0	4
Al Mendoza	KC	28	28	511 ft	3	0	0	3

Nerio Watch

Nerio, oh, Nerio, where for art thou Nerio...

Memphis actually, but he's there more in spirit than anything.

Since the 2/24 AM cycle, Nerio has missed three games. In his past three games on the field, he has taken only three trips to the plate.

Nerio Turner stands at 45 home runs and 110 RBI, still league leads but under assault by San Juan's Timo Phillips (40/104).

Nerio has 329 at bats in 84 games and an average of one homer per 7.31. At this current rate, Nerio is on pace to hit 82 home runs in 600 at bats.

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Nerio Watch

I thought I'd take a break from watching Tennessee-Memphis to post this Nerio Watch.

Nerio has come back from vacation, stringing together six consecutive games with a hit prior to an 0-4 turn in the PM cycle.

Nerio has two dingers in the past four games, pushing his major league lead to 44. I never thought I'd say this, but Nerio has a couple of guys nipping at his heels, led by Timo Phillips.

He has 44 home runs in 318 at bats, giving him one every 7.23 at bats. At this current pace, he could hit 82-84 home runs in 600 at bats.

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OH THE HUMANITY!

The hopes and dreams of Cleveland Wahoos fans everywhere have burst into flames as Nerio Turner continues his slump.

The posterboy for steroid testing in HBD is mired in a 4-27 (.148) slump. Worse, he's had only two home runs in the past 10 days. And he's striking out at a Adam Dunn-like rate -- 10 of his 38 whiffs have come during the slump.

Nerio still leads the majors with 41 homers, hitting them at a rate of one per 6.2 at bats. At this rate, if he takes 600 at bats he will have a disappointing 96 home runs on the year.

On a related note, the Cleveland Regional Area Phyiscal enhancement Corporation (or CRAPCO) has reported an increase in profits, attributed to an anonymous customer with a Boston accent.

Nerio Watch

It's Nerio on Ice! Well, it's as cold as the freak from Lawrence, Mass. has been lately.

Nerio 5 for his last 19 with three homers. He looked to turn it around on 2/14 AM against the Sand Dawgs, when we went 3-5 with a homer, but promptly wen 0-4 in his next outing. Good. He's a fucking juicer. Just kidding.

I think it's no coincidence that Brian McNamee is under scrutinization right now AND Nerio has slowed down.

Ahem.

Anyhow, the freak has 39 home runs in 215 at bats through 53 games played. He is averaging a homer every 5.51 at bats. If Nerio takes 600 at bats this season, he'll hit 109 home runs. He is on pace for 656 at bats, assuming he plays every game this season. If that happens, his pace increases to 120.

Nerio's hitting .358 for the year, with an OBP of .455 and a slugging percentage of .935.

Again, not bad for $1.5 million.

Nerio Watch

Now is as good a time as any for a Nerio update.

Poor Nerio only has one home run in the past four games since feeding my pitchers their respective lunches last week. This gives him 33 on the season in 180 at bats -- one per 5.45 at bats.

Nerio gets 4.09 at bats per game and has played in all 44 games through this morning. At this current pace, if he plays all 162 games, he will have 663 at bats and 122 home runs.

Assuming he only gets 600 at bats, he'll have a more reasonable 110 dingers.

Again, not bad for $1.5 million in a contract year. Watch this bastard hit the free agent market, sign for $10m per and sink like Rudy Giuliani.

Nerio Watch

So, what has that rat bastard been up to lately. Well, aside from disemboweling Pepe Zapata during the Friday AM cycle and crushing my Memphis squad, Nerio is edging closer to history.

The pride of Lawrence, Mass. has homered in each of his last five games. Actually, he has eight homers in the past five games. Four of those homers have come at the expense of Memphis pitching. Bastard.

Nerio has 30 homers in 155 at bats, meaning he averages a home run every 5.17 at bats. Assuming Nerio gets 550 at bats, he's on pace for 106 home runs. Again, not bad for $1.52 million.

I did notice, though, that Nerio is a free agent after this season.

Nerio's line: 38G, 155AB, 55R, 30HR, 76RBI, 24/15 BB/K, .406/.497/1.032.

Bastard.

HGH, PED and other acronyms to descibe Nerio's diet

That sonofabitch teed off on my pitching tonight in the PM cycle. 4-4, 7 RBI, three homers.

Cleveland Layeth the Smack (with some Nerio)

While you hate to pile on ewad and this year's Pittsburgh franchise, Cleveland's offensive outburst against the Diamond Kings was sick. With wins of 11-3, 29-2, 21-9 and 27-9, the Wahoos posted 88 runs and only surrendered 23.

Javy Moya had a monstrous game during the 2/6 AM 27-9 win. The centerfielder, who bats ninth, was 6-6 with five runs scored, three dingers and 12 RBI.

Speaking of 2/6 AM cycle, one has to feel bad as Luis Vega (125 pitches) and Brian McCormick (126) surrendered all 27 runs (only 25 were earned) in 6.2 innings. Two cycles prior (the 29-2 game) McCormick threw 126 pitches, walking 10, in 3.1 innings. Not bad for an 86 stamina starter. I almost want to misappropriate some money, help ewad sign a new staff and show him how to set rest settings.

In the meantime, Pittsburgh has lost six straight, including the PM cycle's 14-12 matchup against Milwaukee. Incidentally, McCormick threw 92 pitches in four innings of relief.

Anyhow, I promised a Nerio Watch. Nerio hit home runs in each game of the series, giving him 22 on the season. Nerio has 127 at-bats, meaning he'll jack a pitch once every 5.77 at bats.

Nerio Watch

Oh Nerio!

Through 25 games, the Pride of Lawrence, Mass. has 18 home runs thanks to a pair of two-homer games.

Nerio jacked a pair against Richmond on 2/3 PM as part of a 4-5 performance. He crossed the plate four times and drove in five. Against Boston on 2/4 PM, Nerio went 3-5 with six RBI.

He's currently batting .408/.451/.961 with a 1.412 ops.

With 18 HR in 103 at-bats, Nerio averages a home run every 5.722 at bats. If he takes 550 at bats this year, Nerio is on pace for 96 home runs.

Nerio Watch

Nerio, in true power hitting form went 0-4 during the AM cycle. This comes on the heel of a red letter night for the Wahoos outfielder. During the PM2 cycle, Nerio went 3-4 with a dinger, four rbi and two runs scored. Gabby Connelly surrendered the wunderkind's 14th homer in 19 games in the second inning. It was the nail in Connelly's casket for the evening -- the River Otters hurler gave up six earned on 12 hits in 1 2/3 innings. It also marked Nerio's 10th multi-hit game this season.

Through the AM cycle, Nerio's line:

19g, 21R, 29H, 14HR, 29RBI, .382BA, .429 OBP, .974SLG, 1.403 OPS.

At his current pace, Nerio averages one homer every 5.42 at bats. Nerio averages four at-bats per game. Assuming Nerio plays 150 games and gets 600 at bats, Nerio is on pace for 100 home runs. Not too shabby for $1.52m per year.

Nerio, say it ain't so?

Our friend Nerio Turner has slowed down his march towards 100 HR. Through 15 games, Nerio has 12 dingers. He's gone FOUR whole games without a homer. Actually, he's mired in a 3-for-16 slump over the past four games.

Needless to say, I'm sure Nerio Turner is on his way out of Cleveland.

Nerio Watch

While I watch Syracuse piddle away a lead to DePaul, I thought I'd throw an update on.

Nerio Turner cooled off today. In the three cycles on January 30, Cleveland's rightfielder hit one home run in eight at-bats. In fairness, the Wahoos had the AM cycle off. He has a dozen homers in 47 at-bats, giving him one home run ever four at bats or so. What's more amazing is that he's only rung up six strikeouts. Not quite the Reggie Jackson/Jose Canseco power hitter.

Nerio gets one more shot at Detroit's pitching before opening a seven-game homestand against New York and Colorado.

And, with Detroit's proximity to the Canadian border, I'm sure Nerio stocked up on HGH during a trip over the bridge to Windsor.

Nerio Watch

10 HRs on 13 hits in 22 at-bats over 9 games.

At this pace, Nerio is slated for 180 home runs. So, wait until he picks up speed.