Announcing The Ewads!

We here at the Onionball blog are bored. It's snowing like a motherfucker out (we live in Syracuse, N.Y. and received 13 inches of snow today...our office closed at 1 p.m.) and they haven't plowed in hours. So, with that in mind, we are going to crown our first-ever position-by-position player of the year awards — the ewads.

For those of you here in season one, you will remember our friend ewad. For our newer friends, let me just say that ewad was the textbook delinquent owner. At one point, he had one healthy starting pitcher -- Julian Nunez -- who threw more than 4,077 pitches.

So, yes, the award is tongue in cheek.

Anyhow, on to the ewads...

CATCHER: The ewad goes to James Gao. Batting .323 with a .938 OPS, including 30 home runs and 113 RBI. Threw out 61 basestealers. Has 44 doubles and has walked (66) more than he has struck out (61). Also nominated: Duke Harper/BUR, Tyrone Thomas/LR and Mark Yamamoto/MIL.

FIRST BASE: The ewad goes Al Mendoza. Hit .321/1.092 with 36 homers and 94 RBI. Walked nearly twice as many times as striking out (80 to 46). A stud. Also nominated: Greg Ramirez/WAS, Wayne Ramsey/CHI.

SECOND BASE: None. No one stood out to earn an award bearing the name of ewad. Nominated: Henry Cust/CHA, David Park/MIL.

THIRD BASE: Greg Lankford. Came over from Washington to hit .334 with 17 and 73. Almost even K:BB numbers. OPS of .955. Nominated: Philip Jacobs/CLE, Hunter Pierre/KC, Ramon Martin/SFE.

SHORTSTOP: Donovan Milligan. This was a toughy. Only hitting .292 with a .931 OPS, but 47 homers and 141 RBI push him over. Had the best defensive numbers of any of the better offensive shortstops. Nominated: Harpo Dunn/SF, Dennis Howell, SF, Gil Matthews/NY.

OUTFIELD: Ralph Ferguson. Had a nice season. Batting .327 with a .883 OPS, 17 homers and 82 RBI. Mixed in 53 steals with a .987 fielding percentage.

OUTFIELD: Orber Nieto. Hard to ignore his OPS (1.027). 44 homers and 119 RBI along with 43 steas put him on the radar.

OUTFIELD: Stubby Simon. Batting .294 with a .901 OPS. Has 35 homers, 115 RBI and 43 steals. Also, a nifty .994 fielding percentage.

Nominated: Nerio Turner/CLE, Andy Porter/MIL, Sammy Carr/LR, Hector Pettitte/BOS.

STARTING PITCHER: Kyle Merritt. Thank God he's in the NL. 13-8 this year with a 2.73 ERA, 216 Ks and a .216 opponent BA.

CLOSER: Tony Dodd. 52 appearances, 48 save opps, 46 saves. Edges Del Holtz/CLE and his perfect record in 42 save opps.

OnIoNDEX: Number Three

Whoops. Meant to do this a little more often this season. Anyhow, just 12 games to go and here's your power rating. Playoff teams are bolded. Teams in pennant or wild card chases are italicized.

Philadelphia Flash 0.667398496
Arizona Amberwoods 0.660097087
Tampa Bay Hurricanes 0.633690647
Cleveland Wahoos 0.633240157
Milwaukee Malt Liquors 0.613748428
Atlanta Mad Dogs 0.612877863
Boston Minutemen 0.600439655
Portland Beavers 0.600364807
Cincinnati Motorboaters 0.598584906
Washington D.C. Senators 0.566651515
Austin City Limit 0.545921053
Buffalo Hot Wings 0.52878
Charlotte Webs 0.528242424
Little Rock Voodoo Cats 0.527352
Colorado Springs Cricket Club 0.5271875
Kansas City Royals 0.520359375
Minnesota North Stars 0.509769231
Anaheim Asylum 0.501292683
Santa Fe Booze Hounds 0.500574257
New York Chechakos 0.468276596
Augusta Black Bears 0.460153226
Burlington Pitch Factory 0.42821875
Columbus Come from Behinders 0.413647482
Memphis In The Meantime 0.387374408
San Juan Epsteins 0.387020492
Seattle Steelheads 0.386846154
Chicago Cubbies, of course 0.373371951
Detroit Great Lake St 0.372971963
Pittsburgh Diamond Kings 0.372865385
Monterrey Surf Riders 0.372851133
San Francisco Slingers 0.367746988
Los Angeles Stars 0.347554054

S.4 Draft Review

With the number one pick in the draft, the San Francisco Slingers selected...

JORGE BENITEZ, DH (Unsigned)

So, let's talk about the man, the myth, the legend. Christened as the second coming of Nerio Turner, Timo Phillips and Jesus Christ, wrapped into a 6-2 frame, Benitez projects out to be a 90+ player. He has everything but a glove and speed, but maybe that's moot when you have the ability to park any pitch that comes near you. It's also worth noting that commish mark3313 stunned the world with this pick. I mean, he didn't take a shortstop?

2. ROYCE OLIVER, SS (Unsigned)

A five-tool, Timo Phillips-type player, Oliver also boasts at 29 control rating. You know, just in case reigny wants to make him into a pitcher. According to my scouting, Oliver's temper is projected to drop. That could be fun. Wouldn't it be cool to look at a box score one day and see:

Royce Oliver struck out on called strike three. Oliver ejected for punching ump in the nuts.

3. GIOVANNI THOMAS, P ($3.82m; RL assignment)

A power pitcher with Clemensesque temper numbers (I don't know what my problem is...I'm obsessed with the temper rating). Thomas' current rating is better than most of my starting pitchers. Given his ratings, has that Randy Johnson "The Early Years" feel. Dominant velocity but gives up spectacular home runs. With any luck, he'll reach his control projections. Also, has a cheezy mustache.

4. BRIAN TANAKA, P, (unsigned)

I've never seen a sinker-slider-change pitcher with velocity ratings as good as his. I would be a little concerned by the health ratings, but then again, my draft strategy was shit. Has a low temper number, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the fact that he grew up in Center City Philly. Also has cheezy mustache.

5. SCOOTER EASLEY, SS ($3,630,000; Rookie)

Has five-tool potential, but not with the same robust numbers as Royce Oliver. Also could be hampered by overuse of eye black (check his photo). Could be a better centerfielder than shortstop.

6. JESSE JACKSON, CF ($3,540,000; Rookie)

The Reverend...wait a second. They made Jesse Jackson a white guy. That's funny. Anyhow, another guy with five tool skills. What caught my eye was his bunt numbers, of all things. This guy has leadoff written all over him.

7. DANNY PHILLIPS, P ($4,000,000; LoA)

Phillips was the top player on my board, so I'm happy that he dropped to seven. He goes 90+ in stamina, control and velocity, has good health figs and could actually be a gold glove candidate on the hill. He won his debut for me.

8. BARRY HERNDON, P ($3,350,000; LoA)

A finesse pitcher, Herndon has all the makings of a good, reliable pitcher. A Jamie Moyer type. He's at LoA right now and has lost his first two. But, he's got SOOO much room between his current and potential numbers.

9. PASCUAL ALONSO, P ($3,250,000; Rookie)

This guy is all about placement. His velocity numbers are sub-50, but his control numbers could be the best in the draft. He projects 60+ on four different pitchers. And he's a lefty.

10. MATTY ORTIZ, SS ($3,160,000; Rookie)

Ortiz lacks the speed thing. I mean, he's not Benitez slow, but he doesn't have the five-tool speed. But, his glove will keep him in contention with the other shortstops in the top ten.

New Blog

We welcome back marauders299 this season. He has coverage of his team at our newest member to the Wailing Onion blog family. Hurricane Watch is listed to the left!

OnIoNDEX: Number Two

Not a big surprise here. Check the separation between Phila and Cinci, though...

Arizona Amberwoods 0.738849057
Tampa Bay Hurricanes 0.678313433
Philadelphia Flash 0.677990291
Atlanta Mad Dogs 0.677916667
Cincinnati Motorboaters 0.677628571
Cleveland Wahoos 0.632164706
Charlotte Webs 0.587804878
Colorado Springs Cricket Club 0.5864
Boston Minutemen 0.585763636
Milwaukee Malt Liquors 0.585508475
Washington D.C. Senators 0.58546
Austin City Limit 0.570095238
Portland Beavers 0.5253
Buffalo Hot Wings 0.524
Anaheim Asylum 0.523755556
Kansas City Royals 0.509517241
Minnesota North Stars 0.50775
Augusta Black Bears 0.4622
Little Rock Voodoo Cats 0.446083333
New York Chechakos 0.432029412
Santa Fe Booze Hounds 0.431912281
Burlington Pitch Factory 0.4315
Seattle Steelheads 0.401014706
Pittsburgh Diamond Kings 0.400943396
Memphis In The Meantime 0.400938272
Columbus Come from Behinders 0.386379747
Monterrey Surf Riders 0.386357724
San Francisco Slingers 0.372416667
Los Angeles Stars 0.355186667
Detroit Great Lake St 0.338590909
Chicago Cubbies, of course 0.309318681
San Juan Epsteins 0.309

On the DL

With my franchise arm going down on the 60-day today, I thought we'd take a look at the disabled list. I've added a new feature to the DL list. We'll list the player by team with the squad's training budgets. I just need to know that there is a direct correlation.

ARIZONA ($20)
Don Barkley, 60-day, elbow tendinitis

ATLANTA ($16)
Kip Davis, 15, bulging disk-neck

AUGUSTA ($14)
Larry Wilson, 15, strained shoulder

AUSTIN ($20)
Esteban Hernandez, 60, damaged soul

CINCINNATI ($17)
Fausto James, 60, ripped dick (groin tear)

CLEVELAND ($14)
Alan White, season, labrum tear

DETROIT ($11)
Travis Moller, 15, shoulder boo boo

LOS ANGELES ($18)
Sammy Paulson, 15, broken heart

LA (ANAHEIM) ($13)
Rob Mays, 60, ACL
Tanner Howard, season, ACL
Vic Alston, 60, wait for it...knee surgery

MEMPHIS ($16)
Darryl Standridge, 60, the clap

MONTERREY ($8...do you even get ice packs for $8m?)
Brian Atkins, 60, bone spurs
Troy Shumaker, 15, drank Mexican water

SANTA FE ($20)
Morgan Wells, 60, sunburn

A missive from madmuldoon

Your friend and mine madmuldoon sends this dispatch from the fringe.

It all started out innocently enough. A rainbow sticker here and there .A calender with the dates of our road games with San Fransisco, circled with Red hearts and the words "No MORE TEARS".Then the MR BUBBLES Virus started to take hold and spread like KY Jelley.

Coach Urbina knew we had a problem when the Bullpen dressed up as the Village People and were signing YMCA during the 7th inning stretch.Why Coach did nothing to stop the Virus is still a mystery.

A few weeks ago I walked into the clubhouse and was greeted by the music of Lawrwence Welk and Barry Mannilow wafting from every corner.And the starting RF was sashaying across the room in a megentia and safron ensamble.Then he entered the room where the hottubs are located and i could hear squeals and someone Shouted "Butter UP" And the Giggling was everywhere.

Well I knew I had to do something right away or we would have to change our name to the New York Riverdancers.So we started by yanking {no pun intended] out all the hotubs and sit down toilets [A real man doesn't need to sit to shit].And replaced them with single shower stalls and Urinals.

Then we require all players and coaching staff to attend 2 hours of Video class where we show John wayne movies with Marlboro man Commercials .The only official clubhouse music is a mix of Country Music and Heavy Metal .
After Weeks of decontamination the Virus that Mr Bubbles Unleashed on our club started to disapate .Now the only sign that the pestialence even happened is when occasionally the bullpen dresses up like the Village People ,But then again everyone knows Relief pitchers are crazy to begin with.

So fair warning to all the owners in "the Onion" Mr Bubbles is a real menace and you could be his next victim .

The onIoNDEX

We're 20 games, so it's the perfect time to run the first power rating for the season.

Again, the formula is pretty simple and rewards scoring and good pitching [Winning percentage + (team OPS-opposition team OPS) divided by runs scored margin.]

No surprises...

1. Cincinnati Motorboaters 0.852511
2. Atlanta Mad Dogs 0.750067
3. Philadelphia Flash 0.702831
4. Washington D.C. Senators 0.695286
5. Arizona Amberwoods 0.687571
6. Kansas City Royals 0.635429
7. Milwaukee Malt Liquors 0.634500
8. Tampa Bay Hurricanes 0.622500
9. Anaheim Asylum 0.605000
10. Charlotte Webs 0.593833
11. Austin City Limit 0.581286
12. Augusta Black Bears 0.578857
13. Cleveland Wahoos 0.572000
14. Colorado Springs Cricket Club 0.564429
15. Boston Minutemen 0.553231
16. Minnesota North Stars 0.549826
17. Portland Beavers 0.494600
18. Santa Fe Booze Hounds 0.486500
19. Little Rock Voodoo Cats 0.479692
20. Monterrey Surf Riders 0.455850
21. Los Angeles Stars 0.425806
22. Columbus Come from Behinders 0.424242
23. Pittsburgh Diamond Kings 0.421000
24. Detroit Great Lake St 0.400375
25. Burlington Pitch Factory 0.367000
26. New York Chechakos 0.354474
27. San Francisco Slingers 0.323000
28. Buffalo Hot Wings 0.303212
29. Chicago Cubbies, of course 0.303189
30. San Juan Epsteins 0.267815
31. Memphis In The Meantime 0.255350
32. Seattle Steelheads 0.253173